Are you Giver or Taker in a Relationship?

Photo by: Noel Fernando at Melacca Malaysia

I've been with a lot of relationships, whether it is love, friend, family or working relationships.  We've been all through these types of relationships and what do we do when we are in it?  The famous line says, one should have a "Give and Take Relationship".  I can never agree more that this is something that we all should have. 

One cannot stand a relationship by being selfish and self-centered.  In a relationship, it is not about "YOU" and "ME" anymore, it is about "WE" and "US". It is always easy to tell but is sure hard to do. 

As a starter, I have found one test that can help us assess where we are in terms of having a "Give and Take Relationship"

I got this test from CLEO - September Edition (don't know the year).

1. Do you donate a part of your income to Charity?
    a. Never
    b. Rarely
    c. Regularly

2. When you go shopping, do you buy small presents for others as a surprise?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. Sometimes

3. When it comes to making a decision with your partner about where to go on a holiday or what to do on a weekend, do you:
    a. Usually get your own way
    b. Leave it eventually to your partner
    c. Make it a joint decision when possible


4. When you find our your neighbors are ill, do you:
    a. Send them a "get well soon" card
    b. Make a meal and take it to them
    c. Keep meaning to visit when you can


5. Do you get upset if you don't always get your own way or not given first choice?
    a. Sometimes
    b. Always
    c. Never

6. At the end of the day, when somebody comes and talks to you about their problems, would you lend them a sympathetic ear?
    a. Probably
    b. Not if I'm tired
    c. Yes

7. Do you feel that other people tend to take advantage of your good nature and kindness?
    a. No
    b. Yes
    c. Sometimes

8. Do you feel that the things you do for other people should be reciprocated by them?
    a. It would be nice occasionally
    b. Not at all
    c. Yes

9. When you do a friend a favor, are you hurt when he/she does not thank you or show any gratitude?
    a. No, it doesn't bother me
    b. Yes, but many people say thanks these days
    c. It can hurt if I have really put myself on for them


10. If one of your colleagues makes a mistake at work, would you cover up for them?
    a. Yes
    b. It depends how serious the situation is
    c. No

How to Score:
1.  (a) 1 (b) 2 (c) 3
2.  (a) 3 (b) 1 (c) 2
3.  (a) 1 (b) 3 (c) 2
4.  (a) 2 (b) 3 (c) 1
5.  (a) 2 (b) 1 (c) 3
6.  (a) 2 (b) 1 (c) 3
7.  (a) 3 (b) 1 (c) 2
8.  (a) 2 (b) 3 (c) 1
9.  (a) 3 (b) 1 (c) 2
10. (a)3 (b) 2 (c) 1       

10-16 

It's all take and no give in your relationships.  If you attempted to be more generous and put yourself out there a little, you could be pleasantly surprised by the rewarding actions of the people towards you.

17-23

You are about average when it comes to giving and taking in relationships.  You have a healthy balance and believe that as you give, you receive.  But do not think of "Give and Take" as being a bargain.  Giving is "pleasurable" -- and sometimes the reward is somebody's happy face.

24-30

There is such a thing of giving too much.  It's not a bad fault, but if you are honest, you must often feel that you are being taken advantage of.  Remember that it's perfectly fine to say "No" every once in a while.  Always saying "yes" can sometimes create more problems, both at home and at work.

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So how did you ranked in this simple assessment?  Whatever the result maybe, it is always up to us on how we should act on things.  We can always feel good or bad but it is how we react on each situation.  It is what will matter most and it will build the person that we are.