Married Life: Our Roles

One of the topics when we attended the Before and After I Do Workshop was "I will 'ROLE' with it" and admittedly, this is the part that we have resonated very well and got me so interested because to me, knowing what our roles are in a relationship means we know what are expected from us.


Okie -- so after we got married, we called ourselves Husband and Wife but do we really know our roles is this thing called marriage?


In hindsight, we know what are expected from us as husbands and wives (well, because of what we see from our environment) but knowing is a totally different thing from doing.


So when I attended the workshop, it made me realize that knowing our roles will mean a lot to have a fruitful and meaningful married life.  That expectation setting is important so that there will be no surprises and that we know how to act.


Let me share with you what I have learned. 
These are not new but a good thing to know about.


Role of the Husband:


LeadHer = Leader = the head of the family, one who will lead his wife
LoveHer = Lover = to show in actions that he loves his family and his wife
ProvideHer = Provider = to be able to provide for the needs of his family and wife


These looked very simple but it is may be that very easy to do.


Look at how each word has "Her" in it -- for me it is very symbolic that our husband should be the one to help / guide / support their wives in their marriage.


Role of the Wife:


Help Mate
Help Meet
  -- we are here to work hand and hand with our husband and give our 100% support.


Before the discussion happened -- the group was asked to respond to one question "What is your expectation from your husband / wife" -- the responses were collated and what struck me is when one expectation from a wife is to be "submissive".


Being submissive, to me, sounds like a negative thing.
From the Urban Dictionary it means --

Kinda negative right -- but Manny was able to expound what it meant and it shed light to me.


Being submissive to your husband doesn't mean that you will obey everything that he says.  That if something or a decision is against your will, you will just obey.  It really doesn't work that way!


We are living in a world where women are equal with men and that both has their own fit minds to decide what's best or not.  When a decision is to be made -- it is the responsibility of the husband to be firm with the decision and be able to provide justification of the decision -- discussions should happen between the husband and wife, pros and cons are to be assessed then both will decide on what's best.  If in the event that the wife still doesn't agree with the decision, being submissive means, after the informed decision making, the wife will wholeheartedly support the  decision of the husband and work with him to achieve a certain goal.   Should the decision fail -- nagging will not work but both should pray to have guidance from God and decide further steps to take. 


What's important is that the the couple stick together in good times and in bad times!


This is enlightening to me and could not agree more!


Now, can the role change?? I would say it can -- but the standard remains and it would be best to take on what's expected to us as husbands and wives.


To me, a successful marriage is anchored from a foundation that both needs to play a role and how the couple is performing their roles -- no one can be perfect in their roles but if both are equally supportive, they will achieve more!


Xoxo

Our Before and After I DO Workshop

Last July 29 (Saturday), my husband and I were privileged to have been invited to attend one of the events in CCF, which was the Before and After I DO Workshop. We were invited by our friend, Arjay, who booked our day more than a month ago (Since being a married couple means chaos during weekends).

Friday night came and I wasn't so prepared. Prepared in KL's dictionary meant being able to prep my attire a week ahead and printing everything (registration things) way ahead. For me, it was something that I am prepared to attend but not so prepared to be super excited on what are in store for us (me and Sweets).

On the day itself, I was partly blaming myself for signing up for this whole day event because it meant less sleep for me and Sweets on a Saturday morning. Nevertheless, I didn't allow Sweets to notice that I was having second thoughts of attending else I am dead! I actually had to make arrangements with him because his weekends are really sacred!

Anyhow, even though we both felt this event will eat half of our weekend, we arrived at the venue at 7am (event was at 8am) -- talk about not being excited for the event!

It was our first time in CCF, good thing, when we arrived, there were a lot of couples already and right there I knew where we need to proceed. There was a registration table and as I start to notice the cue, what I thought to be a conference room setting workshop was false. Not being as excited as I used to be, I didn't notice that this was indeed a big event and the venue was at the CCF Multi Purpose Hall.

Right after registering we were given our table number (we were assigned at Table 12) and then we were given a loot bag with Before and After I Do print in it. Inside we have gift certificates and brochures (photography, videography) and the Before and After I Do couple journal (where I find very very useful)!

Before we enter the hall, there was a cue for photo booth and of course we indulged!

When we entered the ballroom, it was like, whoah! We didn't expect that the event was so huge! Tables were set up with center pieces and the stage was beautifully decorated with the event's theme. At the back of my mind, this is indeed a biggie event. My mind was then confused if this event is really applicable to us.

From Before and After I Do FB Page

We were sited together with other couples and we have our facilitator couple with us, Ms Gina and Noel Goco - talk about coincidence that Sir Noel and my husband shared the same name. I actually asked how we were identified to be part of Table 12 because the other couples that we are with have been married for like 10 and 11 years and the other one was preparing to get married.  Another thing, our table was strategic in such a way that its near the stage, the speaker's holding area and the exit (going to the washroom). While waiting for the event to start, there were brewed coffee and cookies (this is actually unlimited). 

Since we were early, there was an opportunity for some photo opps.

Little by little I was getting excited-- imagining how many couple can fit the ballroom and how interesting the topics for discussion will be!   During the course of the workshop, we were informed that there were 800+ people, almost half of the population are getting ready to be married, half are married for years with one or two couples having been married for more than 20 years and some single folks -- how diverse!

In summary, here are the topics --

From Before and After I Do FB Page

First Topic by Edric and Joy:

From Before and After I Do FB Page

My Key Takeaway:

Before plunging into marriage -- a couple should understand the reason behind being part of that sacred relationship.  It's not for happy moments only but a commitment that one needs to keep.

 

Second Topic from Manny and Lisa:

From Before and After I Do FB Page

From Before and After I Do FB Page

My Key Takeaway:
This is actually my favorite topic of them all -- simply because I was able to relate and see the beauty in it.  Don't get me wrong, i LOVED the entire workshop but this topic really stuck with me.  What I remember, it is the role of the husbands to be the:


LeadHer = Leader
LoveHer = Lover
ProvideHer = Provider

I don't want to further explain because it's pretty self explanatory.

For the wives, our role is to be the:

Help Mate = Help Meet for our husbands




It is also interesting to note about the LOVE - RESPECT Relationship.  That husbands should be treated with RESPECT, the same manner when the wives needs to be given LOVE.  This is a cycle and if done perfectly and seamlessly, will result to a great married life. :D

Third Topic from Peter and Jennifer:

From Before and After I Do FB Page

Their topic was all about Communication and resolving conflict:

Who said that "Effective Communication" is only discussed at work or in the corporate world?  Let me tell you that this is equally important or should I say a very important aspect of a successful married life.

My Key Takeaway:
Speak your mind but consider the timing! 
I am a very talkative person (my family and friends can attest to that)! Why not use this skill to make sure that we have a fruitful married life.  It is really important to communicate because our spouses are not Manang Bola where they know exactly what we are thinking about -- gone are the days (well there may still be some) where women don't speak their minds and wait until their partners figure out what they were fussing about -- for me, this is really a waste of energy.  Why not tell your spouse what's in your mind AND explain why you felt that way.  This way both of you can talk, discuss, agree and complement.

Fourth Topic by Jong and Monique:

My Key Takeaway:
Keeping ourselves pure is important and we can achieve that through marriage and with the help of our spouse.  Should there be challenges -- and there will be (because no marriage is perfect) all we need to do is to surrender ourselves to the greater Lord and everything will fall into the right place.

My husband and I were blessed to have this opportunity! It was really an investment for our marriage and from time to time its worth investing especially if is its for the better!

We've been together for seven years now and I can never say that we are a perfect couple.  Our married life may not be as bumpy with twists and turns as a roller coaster but it is not a walk in the park either -- what I am trying to say is that we also have our down times but I believe I can proudly say that we chose to be happy and to learn from whatever differences we have!

In my mind, i know that attending these types of workshops is really a MUST because although we know how to handle things -- it's good to be refreshed and re-familiarize ourselves with how things should be done in a married life no matter how long we've been married!

From Before and After I Do FB Page

My overall Key Takeaway -- continue to learn and learn together! It is really fun!
Most importantly, make sure that whatever it is that you learn from these workshops or seminars, you put into action!

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Xoxo